Hatred under war conditions. Conversations with male and female psychologists

Hatred is a powerful and justified feeling that arose in response to Russian aggression. Ukrainian rage is manifested in different ways: on the battlefield, through volunteering, in artistic works and via the millions of hryvnias raised for armament. 

Svidomi talked to Ukrainian male and female psychologists and psychotherapists about hatred as a phenomenon and its consequences for the body and the environment, how to turn anger in a positive direction, whether it’s customary to tolerate cruelty, and how the relations with Russians will look like after the war.

Photos of dead bodies (or parts thereof) of Russian soldiers are spreading via social networks. As a result, the perception and distribution of these photos are now more common than before February 24.

"We are forced to become tolerant to cruelty because otherwise we risk going crazy from pain," says Mariana Franko, a psychologist and psychotherapist, head of the psychological studio Sense.

The adaptation mechanism always works, and the psyche is on our side. War is a period when there are "friends" and "foes", where there is "black" and "white". Any reactions and defence mechanisms will differ from the ones operating in peacetime. From the point of view of adaptation mechanisms, raising the threshold of tolerance to cruelty is normal because it protects the psyche and makes it possible not to perceive the events of the war through the prism of peacetime.

The psychologist says that, to some extent, this reaction is anaesthesia to empathy for the enemy that came to kill.

If accumulation has terrible consequences, this means that we do not tolerate our anger enough and are not in contact with it enough. Mariana Franko says that we can accumulate anger because of the requirement for restraint, which is related to internal or external prohibitions. If we cannot cope with anger, we "explode" and injure our loved ones when a conflict occurs. Therefore, it is essential to accept that we feel anger. We should then think of what we can do with it, and where we can direct this energy.  

Anger is a powerful emotion that helps you feel strong and energetic. You can direct this feeling to work, volunteering or creativity. 

"For example, a protective mechanism - sublimation - allows us to direct anger in a socially useful way. Anger is now one of the leading emotions along with hope, and if you direct them to victory, it’s only for the better," says Franco.

Psychiatrist and cognitive behavioural psychotherapist Sofia Vlokh explains that anger is always an activity. In times of severe stress, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to be active. This gives us a sense of control in the face of complete uncontrol. It’s understandable that we cannot control missiles or the course of hostilities, but the body and psyche need to control at least something. 

However, it’s crucial to remember that there are boundaries and limits. In order to control emotions, you need to notice them first. So the first stage is awareness. Then it’s all about choosing how to react. The choice is the power over your life and emotional reactions: "I can proceed by shouting at everyone, or I can do something useful to feel better". 

Unconscious emotional reactions can be turned into awareness, which will have a positive result. Sofia Vlokh gives an example: "If I just shout at everyone, nothing will change. If I remain silent nothing will get better. But when I realise that I feel anger, I can let it come out for my benefit: take up sports, donate to the Armed Forces, lay out my emotions in a diary - these are the ways I manage my emotions, understand them, live in a comfortable way, and move on."

Psychotherapist and military psychologist Oleksii Karachynskyi says that it is necessary to reflect. Reflection helps to recognise internal signals and aggressive messages when they’re just emerging.

Karachinskyi names the three scenarios that depend on how the war ends: 1) after the victory of Ukraine and Russia's non-recognition of its defeat, hatred will continue; 2) with reparations and honest repentance, the attitude may change to negative-neutral; 3) if the next 2-4 generations of Ukraine live in peace, there may be a neutral and even positive attitude. 

"The perception of Russians will differ depending on the traumatic events that each person experienced: it is unlikely that ones who lost their loved ones in the war will forget what the Russians did. Traumatic events adjust our values. A person whose values have changed is unlikely to return to Russian content," Karachinskyi suggests.

Experts agree that it is inappropriate to talk about forgiveness during active hostilities. "We must not forgive; we must win. And to win means to hate, to be angry and to act," says Volodymyr Stanchyshyn, psychologist and psychotherapist, head of the mental health centre Laboratory of Changes. "We should talk about the restoration of relations after victory, understanding not only the black and white history of war, we will understand how to communicate when the whole palette of colours opens. Then, when we are safe, we will be understand who is who.

Mariana Franko says that forgiveness is analogous to acceptance, and acceptance is not about forgetting, but about the willingness to accept things. From this point of view, to forgive does not mean to agree: "Yes, it happened. Now we have grown up and can see the relations between Russians and Ukrainians differently. We now understand who we are dealing with. This does not mean that we will have any negative feelings, however we will have the experience and will be ready to defend ourselves." In addition to collective trauma, we will have also gained collective immunity.

Franko concludes: "It will not be the same as it was before February 24. Now opinion polls show that Ukrainians, regardless of the region and the language they speak, are united by the same values, and their vector is aimed at victory. This hasn’t happened in the last hundred years. Today we have monolithic views and state-building values of Ukrainians, which did not exist before February 24 and did not exist even in 2014. It is this unification and mutual understanding within the country and recognition of our experience abroad that has led to the fact that people have finally begun to be proud of themselves and their nation."